I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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