WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
