I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
