So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
