I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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