so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
