the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
