This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
