Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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