Just mADE A PArabola og urine
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
