five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
