and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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