He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
