I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
