I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
