well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
