can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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