I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
