We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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