I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
