..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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