Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
