We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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