Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
