You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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