Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
