The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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