people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
