the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
