Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
