I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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