Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
