Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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