About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
