We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
