When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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