Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
