Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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