New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
