so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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