I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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