I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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