4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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