At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He did a backflip because drugs
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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