I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
