Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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