Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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