we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
