I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
