she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
